Again another post about me and some random info since I haven't figured out how to post the about me tabs! This blog thing is much more complicated than I ever anticipated and I hope I figure it out sooner rather than later.
I figured now was as good a time as any to show everyone my weight loss journey. Now that I am 9 months pregnant and 30 lbs heavier than I'd like to be it's nice to look back and see where I will be after this baby arrives. I can't really ever remember a time in my life when I wasn't a little overweight. I am a tall girl(almost 5'9") so I always carried the weight better than someone shorter but I don't know if I was ever a healthy weight for my height. We don't come from a family that stresses healthy eating, exercise or weighing yourself. My dad was overweight, as were my paternal grandmother and aunts. Food was a huge part of our get togethers and my Nunny(dad's mom) was an excellent cook but definitely not a health food addict. I have very fond memories of eating homemade chicken potpie, fried eggplant and zucchini as well as copious amounts of cookies and other goodies at her house. That's the best part of a grandparent isn't it? My dad passed away when I was 13 and I think that's where my eating really spiraled out of control. My family never really talked about his passing and we still haven't really addressed it to this day. I can remember that after the funeral everyone was talking about not being able to eat at such a time but all I could do was eat. Eating became a source of comfort and I'm sure part of that had to do with having those memories with my dad attached to certain foods. I still get weepy eyed whenever I see a Snowball hostess cake since he always brought them home for my sister and I. I don't even like the damn things but I know that I have eaten my fair share over the years.
I was popular in high school and relatively active playing volleyball so I kept to a relatively "normal" size and started college in "ok" shape. My freshman year of college is when things went a little haywire. During the month of January my roomie stayed home so I was all alone in the dorms. I became obsessed with working out to keep myself busy. Slowly I started losing weight and realized how much more attention I got when I was a little thinner. All of the sudden I realized if I changed what I ate I would have even more success. Rather than dieting or watching what I ate which is what most people would do I turned to unhealthy habits. This is the first time I have admitted this to anyone other than Tom but I became bulimic that year. I realized that I didn't like not eating so I would pig out eating everything in sight and then make myself purge. There were days where the only foods I kept down where a few oranges so not many calories but it worked. I was thin and everyone noticed how good I looked. I felt proud that instead of gaining the freshman 15 I lost 45. I never weighed myself during that time so I don't know what my weight was but I felt like I looked good and for the first time since I was a child I wore a bikini to the beach.
Around this time I met Tom and things started going well and of course you start getting comfortable and going out on dates. The weight started creeping on and never really stopped. I gave up one bad habit for another. I never really addressed my body images or bulimia though. I guess I felt comfortable because I found someone who loved me no matter my size and I figured if he could eat a whole pizza so could I. The trend continued post college when I moved to Maryland with him. In July of 2009 I reached my breaking point. I had been living in Maryland for 2 years and had been graduated with a full time job and realized I was wasting my youth being overweight and unhappy with how I looked. I joined the gym July 1 and signed up for Sparkpeople.com the same day. I never looked back. I started cutting back on my portions and working out 5-6 days a week. Soon those ugly habits reared their head again although this time I was starving myself. I would limit my calories to under 1200 or sometimes 1000 calories a day and was working out an hour every week day and at least 2 hours on Saturday and Sunday. I became obsessed with calories and counting every single thing that went in my mouth. If a restaurant didn't have nutritional info listed online I wouldn't go there. I missed out on fun times with family and friends before I realized I was out of control again.
Finally I came across some healthy living blogs like Carrots N Cake and Kath Eats Real Food. I saw these women who ate well and exercised and looked and felt great. Suddenly it all made sense you could do things in moderation and not have to go to extremes. Ultimately I started my weight loss journey in July 2009 at my highest weight of 273 lbs and when I got pregnant in October 2010 I was almost to my goal weight of 145 lbs. My prepregnancy weight is between 150-155 lbs and I stayed at that weight for 6 months. I'm not saying what I did was always healthy or condoning any of the bad habits I had but I will say when I held steady at 155 I was practicing moderation in all parts of my life and was really LIVING!
When I got pregnant I felt a little anxiety about watching the scale creep back up so I threw away our scale. It has been quite the journey and I can't lie there are days where lots of old habits rear their ugly head(I'm pregnant I can eat 6 cupcakes or my weigh in is this Friday I can't eat anything bad until then) but I have adjusted because I realize my body is a miracle that needs nurtured. Being pregnant has probably actually helped me more than anyone could guess. Knowing that I abused my body for so long and that it could still produce this little human is an amazing thing. I look forward to teaching him about healthy habits and having an active family.
Wow so that's it. Here are some pics over the years.
I am an open door to anyone who has questions btw so ask away.